Fortress of Perpetual Midnight

1. It's taking while for them to test all the auditions for the opening I mentioned before, but they say there were about 70 entries, so my chances are extremely slim considering I don't have any experience or qualifications.

2. As mentioned earlier, I talked with the job company to work on getting something tolerable. I was later told that I was not allowed to work with them after having gotten a job and had to re-apply at Voc Rehab. I'm not sure whether I want to bother with this, considering that my last two job coaches both seem to hate my guts.

3. Between the two of these, I'm thinking that it may just be worth it to try and get the packing/shipping job once they give me the bad news about the other one (or maybe before that, just to make sure). I think I'd have a reasonable shot at this one because my jobs at arifyn Books and the J&C actually give me related experience, and I should still be able to get a good recommendation, depending on how many more tantrums I throw by the time I get to that. In addition to the advantages I mentioned last time, I would have to get a home (in a more tolerable climate, from what I hear), and I'd be packing more of a variety of things that I find more interesting. The main problem, I think, is that I need to type up a real résumé, with which I was hoping to get help from the job people. My social worker suggested that I look on the Web for advice on how to do it, but I'm so lazy. . . .

As you may have heard, the biggest earthquake in 40 years hit Illinois and Indiana yesterday morning. It scared the hell out of me, as it woke me up when I was heavily tranquilized, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. It did cross my mind that it might be an earthquake, but even when sober I don't remember ever having heard of an earthquake in the Midwest before. (The '02 one must have been when I was away at school or something.) Fortunately, I was heavily tranquilized, so I just fell back asleep and forgot about it until Mother mentioned it that evening. She says she was too sleepy to look at the clock, so she thought I had just gotten home from work and was running into furniture repeatedly. Her comment at the time was also about two letters off mine.

Since I finished with the job application at the end of last month, I was going to get back to other things I'd been putting off to focus on that, most importantly Project Cow Level. Of course, when I decided I did want to try my master plan, I ordered it (and the other, just for convenience) immediately to make sure I got the discount and free other format on this month's issue. I was surprised to find that I got the one from the previous month as well, which was nice as I thought I was going to have to buy it at a higher price without the .pdf, but that also means I have that many more distracting reading materials this month. We'll see how much I get done.

P.S. I also noticed that the link to where I get the free stuff is to your account's allowed downloads. To get the free stuff without a Paizo account, go to: 1 2 3. Also, my comments about the Blue Rose setting were worded a bit over-idealistically. I actually heard just a vague mention about a lot of "queer" characters on the Paizo forums.

It was somewhat ironic that the two letters to the editor that were printed in the hard copy of the J&C for the 1st (the two at the bottom here) were both in praise of bigotry because Jesus says so (?). I decided to hurry up and type this one once I found out that they actually don't allow you to view articles for free after a week has passed (thus showing that my job isn't quite as pointless as I thought). This factor means that I have no way of looking up exactly the context of the latter letter, but the former provides much material for me.

( For reference purposes )

Admittedly, the writer is not hateful in any way, and in a way, this makes it even more disturbing. She believes that she is right, and that her policies are for the good of the people involved. She doesn't say anything about religion, instead citing that it's "unnatural" and that the solution is to develop new artificial drugs to make the "patients" natural again, and that it is the right way of the world to be horrified and devastated when someone you know turns out to be gay. However, her assertion that something outside the norm is unnatural makes it difficult for me to think that she believes in evolution, which narrows the field somewhat. (I just heard on TV a few hours ago that 39% of Americans surveyed claimed to be Creationists, and that was somewhat disconcerting to me.)

These beliefs that you are right based on faith are a sticky subject. By definition, you believe that your beliefs are correct, and in the case of many Christian denominations, that means you believe that anyone who disagrees is going to hell unless you save her. This means that it is only morally right to make other beliefs illegal. The remark about usurping the Constitution above is related to the popular opinion that the Founding Fathers only intended freedom of religion to include Christianity (despite many of them being Deists), a claim that is obviously impossible to prove either way at this point. Personally, I believe that rights apply to everyone except those who harm others, not just those who are believed to be harming others by certain people, and that if the letter of the Declaration and Constitution doesn't mean that (which I think it does), it should be amended so.

Another difficult question is the problem of how people come to have faith in the first place. By definition, it cannot be based on any physical evidence, which is also the argument against attempts to disprove religion. Consequently, the primary way people develop their beliefs is through what they experience, mostly through following what they're told by the people they respect during their developmental years. I'm not a scientist, so if I had been born one generation earlier on my father's side, I would probably be a Christian. My staunch atheism is based perhaps entirely on the fact that I was raised among people who relied on physical logic rather than spiritual things. This has of course been a problem ever since the first two religions encountered each other, so unsurprisingly, I don't have a solution for it just yet.

I also take issue with the assertion that an individual's coming out will always destroy those close to her. I can't see why this would be the case except if the kith and kin in question believe there is something wrong with it, which many do not. This thus ends up being another claim that other beliefs are wrong. I know I can't say much from personal experience, but in my narrow-diametered circle of acquaintances, I have seen half a dozen homes wrecked, including my own. In all but one case, this was because the straight man of the house had a different idea of fidelity than anyone else. (People weren't too straightforward about the exception, but I gather that it was already a same-sex couple.) I think that denying and suppressing what one is only leads to things getting worse, as I imagine is much of the problem with all those Catholic priests and Ms. Winfrey's school in South Africa.

As I've had in my notes for many moons and never gotten around to fleshing out into a post, it would really be nice if I could find a secular state somewhere to live. I know that wouldn't solve anyone else's problems, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with them. That's my answer to most of life, after all.

On a somewhat darker (or at least neutral) note, Ms. mizuno_youko just posted an interesting link.

After the problem that prevented me from entering the first time, I found that Paizo also has a few free items† so you can find out about their setting and thus write things about stuff they already own, which is what helped me in the other one. One of the interesting things that I noticed is that the Queen of Korvosa is rumored to be sleeping with her female bodyguard. (Although it's only one sentence, at least they didn't feel the need to throw in anything claiming that's any more scandalous than any other affair, like in the one I mentioned earlier.) In any case, given the depictions of the King (it's debatable whether he was still alive at the time of the portrait) and Queen, one can hardly blame the rumormongers—or the couple, if it's true.

Of course, they're trying to run a business, so the information in the free stuff pales in comparison to the commercial products. Interestingly, they've chosen to do most of their background expansion in their adventure serials. As you can see from its pilot, the current one centers on city and the Queen. (The latter part is expanded in later issues, but those are heavy spoiler information.) In addition, I have an idea for an adventure set in Korvosa, so it may be worth buying those and/or the city guidebook to build up my knowledge for the next RPG Superstar contest.

In addition to this, Paizo is also making its own version of the RPG based on D&D v.3.5, so it will not have to be heavily updated. Sadly, they aren't allowing others to use it, so anyone else using the d20 System will have to do the same themselves to avoid having to make new rules every time the Wizards decide to replace the base. The guys who tried to make a better ruleset* (and succeeded, except that they didn't fix the most fundamental flaw enough; it's also compatible with Pathfinder) also require you to make a deal with them to use their enhancement, unlike the d20 System and OGL themselves.

*By the way, I hear that the original True20 setting includes a lot of characters who don't make pointless restrictions on whom they love based on what equipment they have.‡ I might look into that, too.

Edit (2008.04.05): †‡Updated here

I wasn't certain I was going to buy any 4th-Edition books, particularly in the first printing before they work out a lot of errata (judging by 3rd Edition and v.3.5), but this deal may just make it worth it. If you'll remind me to deal with that after I'm done cramming (?) for my application, I'd be happy to share the coupon with you folks. As you can see, they have a whole bunch of stuff, including some novelties I've noted here before.

Continuing from previously (and noticing that my reference to bootlegs ended up being after the break):

You may have noticed that I haven't quit the horrible job that I have. The fact is, despite its horribleness, it's the only job I managed to get in a year of searching and working with Voc Rehab. I'm going to do my best to tough it out until I get something else.

"But if that's all you were able to get, how could you get something else, you stupid bastard?" I hear you ask. After all, I still have no usable experience, skills, talents, or work ethic. However, my previous job coach let drop the value of this job: that I get a good reference from it. Sad to say, but I'm one of the best workers in the department, and the chief supervisor (the one who doesn't smoke) has a very high opinion of me. Combined with the fact that I've been able to keep this job, this is of value to getting a better one.

Anyway, I don't know about specifics, but there are a few ideas I've seen lately that particularly jump out at me:


POLICE OFFICER

This was featured in the Star's "5 Jobs for Which You Don't Need a Bachelor's" (or something like that) a while back when I happened to read.

Pros: I'd be able to get good training and experience in assertiveness and tactical combat. I'd also most likely gain access to resources that would allow me to actually find out what the hell the laws are without having to hire a legal consultant. The only physical requirements noted were a test of agility, which is the least of my weaknesses.

Cons: I'd have to deal with bullying from coworkers and suspects, which I don't currently handle well. I imagine they wouldn't be receptive to use as a temporary job until I can find something better, or to having someone with such radical nonconformist views on the force. Perhaps most importantly, I'd be likely to be turned away because I'm diagnosed as "crazy" to human eyes.

Alternatives: A security guard job would be similar, but unlikely to provide training. It would also be likely to require graveyard shifts. The military would be even better training, but I hear that bullying is extremely bad there. Worse than that, in the military, I'd be required to fight whatever wars the government wants me to fight, unlike the police, which just enforces our own laws.


GAME DESIGNER/DEVELOPER

Although I haven't had the resources or conne to be able to play their actual games, I've been following Privateer Press's main setting for a number of years just because it's nifty.

Pros: It's a dream job, one that would actually be fun to do and give me useful experience toward my life goals. They specifically say that they want a positive work environment, so I doubt that there will be so much hatred toward game designers/developers in the office itself. I'd be able to work on what are, as far as I know, the best two wargames out there, and one of the best settings. I'd also get employee discounts on what is, as far as I know, the best miniature line in the world now that GW stopped being friendly to real gamers.

Cons: The biggest obstacle seems to be actually getting the job, since I have no published credits. I've put this off so long that I'm going to have to truck it to get the "design kung fu" submission in on time, which means probably no playtesting—although I do have quite a good idea, and they're not expecting a finished, balanced product. (Unlike last time, I can easily do these things because I know about the setting and thus can write things that I wouldn't be able to sell myself anyway.) I'd also have to relocate to the Seattle area, but that doesn't bother me too much, and I already have relatives and family friends there.

Alternatives: I would have a much easier time getting grunt work. It wouldn't be great, but it's likely to beat out my current one on points 1, 4, and * in the previous post. Also, the proximity might get me a foot in the door for another go at R&D. The main question is whether I'd be willing to relocate just for that. There were also openings at Fantasy Flight, but they don't accept rookies.

Anyway, Project Cow Level, which is coming to be my (solitary) internship for my hypothetical real job, has been delayed by research for the latter, the trip, and more comics. These should all be out of the way (other than my kansō) by the end of March, so I can get back to it. In terms of other short-term stuff, I'm considering at least one submission to Gamer Lifestyle.

Contrary to the title, this is not another post about downloading bootlegs—at least not primarily.

I finally managed to get hold of my new job coach a few weeks ago and set up an appointment. I went in without any clear idea of what to do, hoping to ask her for advice, so she sent me home to codify my criteria and think about what kind of job I'd want. Consequently, I've made a few rough notes based on my experience so far:

1. The most immediate and obvious criterion is that I need enough money to be able to afford a home. Judging by the low-end rents I've seen in the paper I assemble, I would be able if I stepped up to full time at my current just-above-minimum wage, but for the rest of the reasons, that would just be even worse.

2. There are two problems that both are detrimental to my long-term health and really tick me off. The first is that the work environment is incredibly loud. This is rather inevitable for a factory job, of course. It also results in the facts that no one can understand what anyone else is saying (in my case due to my ADD making it difficult to discern individual voices from background noise, in the others' because they've suffered so much hearing damage already due to their job and their music-listening lifestyles), which requires that they yell incoherently at each other all the time, and that the alert signals all have to be even louder and more ear-piercing due to high pitch so that they aren't missed in the cacophony.

The second is more of a morality issue. The workplace is smoke-free, but workers are encouraged to smoke right outside the entrances, including when the garage doors are open, and they generally smoke just before getting to work, both of which meaning I have to breathe their second-hand smoke if I'm nearby. About half the workers (including three of the four supervisors) smoke at least one cigarette every couple of hours. As you know, I particularly hate smoking not just because it's harmful, but because it has no purpose other than as a poison. However, U.S. law protects the right of smokers to poison others, and even beyond my policy*, I prefer to avoid complaining about it within earshot. In my experience, smokers are, on average, even more bad-tempered than others with whom I've spent time, and the last two to whom I've mentioned that I didn't like it claimed that it was my own fault and that I was making fun of him, respectively.

3. The fact that almost no one there gives a damn about doing even the bare minimum makes my own apathy even stronger. (I tried to wean them off my picking up after them before my trip, but we'll see about the results when I get back tonight.) I imagine this stems from the fact that it's a horrible job. There's also the fact that the company apparently can't even afford to tell us even the most basic things about stuff that we're supposed to do, so learning is mostly by educated guess. This is no doubt due to the fact that annual employee turnaround appears to be about 200%, again stemming from the fact that it's an awful job. I haven't bothered to call them on these things because of my policy*, which is reinforced by the fact that some people get extremely ticked off if I try to do my own job efficiently.

4. The fact that I have to be heavily sedated to sleep puts quite a damper on my life when working graveyard. Most significantly, I have difficulty getting to appointments (including the job coach) and stores while they're open. (In the latter case, essentials such as food and drugs are usually available 24-7, but I do like to go to stores that are actually interesting, such as hobby shops and bookstores, once in a while.) Of course, most jobs are available during the day; this current one just happens to be a morning paper about events the day before.

Just to break up the large block of text, I'll talk about my current prospects (such as they are) in a separate post.

*As you can see from the Cool Hand Luke (which I've never seen) quote in my notes, I was planning on typing an entire post about how it doesn't seem to be worth it to let anyone know about any opinion I may have unless that anyone happens to be a close friend. To sum up, it's been my experience that doing so just ticks him off, causes him to be if anything more opposed to my view (either out of spite, perverseness, or the fact that he respects me so little that he feels my opinions are automatically ineligible), and adds to the ongoing friction between us. When combined with the fact that I find arguing very hurtful, this comes to my admittedly dysfunctional policy. Hopefully if I manage to find coworkers who have less negative attitudes than the people around here, the people on the LG Yahoo! Group, the people on daily_yuri, etc., I will be able to work better. Otherwise, I just have to keep thinking about what to do about it myself.

Besides the occasional reading of papers during breaks, work also results in my hearing Morning Edition on my way home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Every once in a while, there's something interesting in the news:

*Iran launched its first rocket into space. Although this may mean trouble in the future of warfare, I was amused by the audio clip played of the countdown. When the mission control guy ran out of numbers (as tends to happen in countdowns), the rocket didn't launch, so he had to start counting back up until it did.

*A study found that immigrants in California commit far less crimes than native Americans. This only stands to reason. If you go by body mass, a large proportion of the immigrants in California are the governor.

Although I've gotten real shoes some time ago, I've lately returned to using loafers when going outside for only a moment (mainly to get the mail) when the ground is wet, and for work, since the plant's floor is polished to a reflective finish for some reason, and I need the extra traction. Sadly, these loafers are still the ones I got for my Japan trip way back in the last millennium, so I'd like to replace them with something more morally reasonable, but after checking all the sites I know, I failed to find any reasonably dressy ones except the ones with big-ass, ugly square toes. I don't suppose anyone else has any leads, eh?

Due to my irregular schedule, I was half-asleep, dreaming about a Dark Lord of the Sith assassinating our presidential candidates, when yet another of my orders from splurging on holiday sales arrived. This one included not only cheap books but also a Darth Maul mini. I don't have any particular plans for it, but since the appearance of Star Wars Miniatures, it's hard to get any sort of properly convertible miniatures for the setting. Even if I never end up making a Zabrak character, the fact that it's limited edition means that I may be able to sell it at a gain eventually.

Between my falling out with daily_yuri and my irregular schedule, I haven't had it in me to watch my videos lately. Consequently, the files on Mother's computer are piling up again. (As I've mentioned before, I prefer not to burn files until I've watched them, to make sure they work properly and so I don't have to look up the official titles and episode subtitles.) My only solution has been to move things to the computer in the bedroom, but there are two problems with that. First, I only have a 1-GB portable container, so it's a pain in the ass. (This part might be solved if blitzcon ever actually gives me that broken laptop, because I might be able to hook it up to the others using that ethernet cable I bought a while back on the false assumption that my laptop had a port.) Second, even there, I only have an 80-GB hard drive, so that'll fill up eventually, too.

Of course, one might wonder why I'm even bothering to download this stuff if I'm not watching it. The main reason is that I'm restricted to torrents, meaning that I have to get the files while they're fresh, because it's unlikely that I'll ever have another chance once people throw away the files and seed the fansubs* instead. (I'm still bitter about the fact that I can't take advantage of Share because no one will tell me how to use an Internet connection.) Ms. mizuno_youko tells me that IRC isn't as bad as I thought, but if I'm too depressed to watch the videos, it stands to reason that I'm not going to wade through trying to figure out how that works.

*It's rather sad that "Anime" has become so mainstream that even bootleggers cater to people who can't figure out how to use a separate ji-maku file.

I had to deal with a number of challenges (don't remember in what order):

※Figuring out how to get correct change to pay back Mother and a coworker

※Noticing that they were releasing another farrow unit that cannibalizes warbeasts

※Being "Bear" Grylls, buying horses (which MATRIX-freeze when they hear gunshots) in the desert. (That is a rather entertaining show. Where else on basic cable can you see an Englishman strip down to his birthday suit and do push-ups on a glacier? My brother points out that he often gets naked in cold regions, because he needs to dry his clothes to avoid freezing to death.)