Fortress of Perpetual Midnight

いちおう書いておきますが、このブログは英語で書いています。英語の分からん読者がきたい出来ん為、こちら以外は日本語をほとんど入れていません。それでも、日本語のコメントはかんげいします。

When I talked to my social worker about the fight mentioned here, she said she didn't notice. This difference in perception has always been a problem in dealing with human beings. Although I was acting extremely angry, normal people often seem to do that even when they're not, sometimes to the point of explicitly telling their friends to ____ themselves. It's irritating always to have to assume that someone is hurt since there's no way of knowing (since people who aren't angry often pretend they are, and those who are pretend they aren't), and even if I could ask, I've never encountered someone who is willing to talk out a problem. The obvious solution (one covered by the book we're currently studying) is not to care when I hurt others, but I still don't want to resort to that.

Your result for The Social Orientation Inventory...

The Complainer

-Attent/Self/+Attach/-Emo/+<3/Narrow/Insecure

Take The Social Orientation Inventory at OkCupid

I was investigating a crime scene when I found Goren under the carpet searching for clues. Apparently it was also a crossover episode, as I believe I spotted Munch or Briscoe in the opening credits. Later, my investigation took me to a residential airship, where I was assisted by a young, female witness. The natives were rather hostile.

Meanwhile, Speed and Delko were visiting some sort of store on Stair Road, which was apparently on the coast of Florida due to the cornfield across the road flooding. A shootout ensued, resulting in the deaths of both CSIs. But I went back and tried again; in the second version, Delko survived.

Taking along a civilian toward the end of the first paragraph may have been influenced by CMs for White Collar. (Yeah, I watch so much TV that I dream about shows I haven't even seen.)

The latter paragraph's divergent realities were related to something else that I was considering lately. Back in my less realistic days when I thought about designing video games, one of the ideas I had (perhaps itself inspired by CHRONO TRIGGER, for all I can remember) was about a protagonist who hibernates, only waking during important turning points in history, thus seeing the long-term effects of her decisions in the past. I recently brought the idea back to mind after considering a freeware game engine for visual novels, which I discovered in the game I've mentioned here and here. The idea was to base it on the character of Lilith, a resident of "Earth" who is cursed due to her rebellion from YHWH to be hunted down and killed every time her followers reincarnate her. This would be intertwined strongly with Project AnthraXX, including subsuming the numerous background stories set in the distant past. Of course, an epic of that magnitude would be a full project rather than a shōrt, so I'm not sure how likely I am to make it. I also thought of a similar one set in the Grim Darkness of the Far Future. It would be a lot of work for something that's in someone else's universe and thus not something I can sell, but at least it would take less drawing than Abdiel.

So, it turns out that two of my regular buys are opening subscription services here. This is now apparently the only way to get the comics to which they're trying to restrict access. Unfortunately, they only allow addresses in Japan. If I use the proxy service, they'd be too far apart to allow me to combine them in one shipment, so I'd have to make twice as many orders a year. I guess there's probably only going to be one special per year, so if I use the subscription for one, I can get that, and I can buy the other one normally at that time to get it in the same shipment.

Other things I forgot to mention the other night:

Considering the accessibility of the brass, perhaps paizo would be a small enough company that they didn't use huge machines to pack the stuff, meaning people could converse without screaming. I think that would be helpful for building relationships and communication. On the other hand, there wouldn't be anyplace in the department where you wouldn't be chugging smoke from the people outside (or inside) the loading dock, or those who had just come in from break. (I wonder how people with significant allergies to tobacco can survive in America. They can't work at blue-collar jobs, and there are very few colleges they can attend in order to get others. Is that enough to get you disability benefits?)

It also occurred to me that I could use the skills I've had to develop to my advantage. Most significantly, at work, I've had a lot of practice hiding, sneaking, and keeping an eye on my enemies. Unfortunately, I can't join the military or a S.W.A.T. team or anything, so I don't know where I could turn that into a legal profession. In fiction, private eyes do a lot of spying on people, but I don't know anywhere that would be legal or tolerable, and I'd have to join as a specialist in an agency where someone else does the customer service.

I had a good idea for a shōrt about ladies sharing their notes in school. I wasn't at the computer, so I noted the word "Notes" in my notes.

Unfortunately, as there is neither such a note in my phone nor a good idea in my brain, it was just a dream. I have way too many ideas for someone who can't publish them, but I always appreciate more to mull over. The ones for which I've typed blurbs are only the very tip of the iceberg.

The dream was obviously brought on by reading 『★Y★R★Y★R★』 here. They finally get to the real yuri, and apparently that's not the part that sticks in my head. Bloody comedy

When I talked to my contemporary social worker about the idea of joining the force noted here, she said she didn't think I'd be able to become stronger by it. That's fair enough; I also realized that I'd make a lot of enemies in the force by my opinion that officers should follow laws. (It also occurred to me that they don't get to take the squad cars home, do they? If not, most of the time they're driving them around would be when they're on patrol, which begs the question, why the hell are they in such a hurry?)

Beside the warehouse job at Privateer Press noted at the bottom of the same post, there was also a similar position at the other best company in the same area. However, where the former one stopped responding to my emails on several occasions after discussion, the latter was never willing to answer even once. Oddly enough, whenever I've sent an email to the company about anything other than that position, the CEO personally replied, to the point of giving me information about their lines that wouldn't be announced for some months afterward. It (relatively) recently occurred to me that I could try going through her to get to the job. But, after the wake-up call, I guess it wouldn't work. I imagine the people at the company wouldn't treat me as such a freak as the ones where I am now do (or at least I'd be able to find someone to talk to), but the rest of my life would probably not work without anyone I know in the entire region.

Anyway, my current social worker suggests that maybe I could get Mother to let me quit this job if I got another. Of course, there's no way I can go to any interviews, so the best we have on that front is considering applying again for assistance in that area.

[01] -- Go to IMDB.com and look up 10 of your TV shows.
[02] -- Post three official IMDB "Plot Keywords" for [each of] these picks.
[03] -- Have your friends guess the show names [preferably without looking them up].

It doesn't say what it means by "your TV shows," so I just randomly picked a bunch that I like and that had enough keywords.

1. Acronym in Title; Place Name in Title; Spin Off
2. Babe Scientist; Deoxyribonucleic Acid; Divorcé (guessed by blitzcon below)
3. Bleeped Dialogue; Explosion; Segway (arifyn)
4. Brother in Law Sister in Law Relationship; Evil Capitalist; Smartest Person (blitzcon)
5. Cyborg; Epic; Sword Fight
6. Disembodied Head; Pneumatic Tube; Tank Top (arifyn)
7. Docket Number; Female Boss; Twist in the End
8. End of Mankind; No Cast of Characters in Credits; Post Apocalyptic
9. Evil Brother; Impulse Engines; Positronic Brain (mizuno_youko)
10. Gadget; Insurance Investigator; One Word Title

最近（と言うかいつも）読んだ漫画のかんそうをちゃんと書く気にならんので、こちらで一言ずつ入力しておいています。売る事にもべんりになるでしょう。

So, I went to the wedding. Besides getting out of hell for a while, it also gave me the chance to experience a bunch of unusual situations (such as hanging out with people who've been drinking). The wedding itself wasn't overtly religious; although the officiate (the bride's brother) had "vestments" and "authority . . . by God," he was apparently joking. During the actual ceremony (from what I could make out from behind all the more important people who were able to stand in the area with chairs), I don't recall if he referenced any religions that are still believed by significant numbers of people. On the other hand, it appears that the bride took the groom's last name. It's sad that people still cling to this chauvinistic tradition even a full generation after people started fixing it.

One thing, however, that struck me was how many times I was too afraid even to say things to lokodraucarn, one of the closest I have to a friend and one of the few people I'm inviting when trying to get together a group where I don't have to be afraid. In this case, I believe that having a common interest gives me courage, but I don't know whether it will help me move on or just be inapplicable to other situations. I went to another diagnosis last week, and the best they could drum up was "schizotypal disorder."

As noted, I'll be out of town from tomorrow through Monday. I don't know whether or not I'll be checking email or LJ during that time.

To go along with the fact that it's released on a slightly different date due to a holiday, the preorders are starting comparatively really early, too. Any requests?